So it has been a while since I have written anything on this blog... A little too long! I know some of you are probably wondering whats going on in my crazy life right now. Lately things have been so hard. Making decisions is something I figured out I am not that good at. I have had to make a couple of decisions that, well... Will change my life.
Right around Christmas time I found myself getting very confused about my roll in life. I felt as if I wasn't in the grasp of God but in the grasp of myself. I wasn't happy, ever. I was constantly complaining and grumbling. I never wanted to be home, and when I would get the chance to leave I would. I was living in a world of anger, sinful desires that I let take over, and selfishness. Even though I knew that this is what I was doing, I didn't care, nor did I want to change. It was all about me and what others could do for me. When I would go to church on Sundays I never felt the joy of God, I felt... Well, like I wasn't meant to be there. I would feel bad for being in Gods presence because I knew all of the wrong I had done him. Not too long after being sick of everything I surrendered. God took a hold of me and gave me a reality check. Let me give you a background story before I move on any further.
I had dreams of becoming a famous photographer and artist. I wanted to travel the world and see things. I didn't want to live at home, but yet I wanted to get married. I had this goal in life that really wasn't possible for a young Christian woman to succeed in. I didn't care what my parents or family thought, I knew what I wanted to be and the things I wanted to do. I was going to finish getting my AA at FSCJ and then transfer to Flagler for a few years. After that I was going to spend a semester in New York at the School of Visual Arts. I had my application request form ready to be sent in the mail. I was going to fulfill my dreams to any extent. I think God had a different plan. Lauren's plan wasn't God's plan. My family became worried for me. I started getting long talks and in many of them I was hard as stone, no one was going to change my mind.
Christmas came and I got a DVD called Return of the Daughters. I was not happy to get such a present for Christmas. I felt like everyone was trying to change me. Little did I know God was the one trying to change me. I watched the video and was very angry about it. Daughters staying home, not working, to serve their family. Never going to college. How do these girls do it? I came to the realization that we as women are supposed to stay home and serve in the home. Even though I was against it FOR ME.
Later that week my Mema took me to lunch so I could explain to her what I was feeling. "I am so confused and I feel like no one is listening to me, all they see is what they want for me not what I want for me." She told me that maybe it wasn't them maybe it was me, I was being selfish. Me, me, me its all about me. After lunch I thought "Great, now she is against me too!" I went home and cried. No later than two days I was having a civil discussion with my parents about my plans. They wanted to know everything. They told me how they felt and for the first time I agreed with them.
I had big dreams that just weren't for me. God had a better plan. After prayer I decided that college wasn't the right decision to make. Why would I want to spend the money anyways? Why would I want to spend my time with people that don't even believe what I believe? I was getting sucked into the world, and after that realization I was scared. I had to make changes. I threw away all my college informational books. It was the hardest decision that I have ever made, but it had to be done. For days after that I would just sit in my room and cry. I had to fight for joy everyday. Giving up something that you planned for two years is not the easiest thing to do.
I can honestly say that I feel a huge change. I am happy! I am focusing on what God wants me to do rather than what I want to do. I don't know if you believe that miracles can happen, but one did to me. God is softening my heart everyday. The more I pray for peace the more he gives it to me. I no longer have the desire to go to college, I am going to find workshops I can do for photography and acting. I can still pursue my dream of traveling, but God holds that in his hands for the future. Right now I just want to focus on him and strengthen my relationship with him and my family. I see a big change in my life. Without God stepping in I think I would be headed down a steep and dirty hill.
I am reading a book called "How People Change" by: Paul David Tripp and Timothy S. Lane and in it, it says "God does not call us to a life of 'I have spiritually arrived' or 'I am just waiting for heaven'. Rather, he calls us to a life of constant work, constant growth, and constant confession and repentance."
I keep praying for peace and joy. I know that I am always going to have a life constant work, growth and repentance. I am just so thankful that God opened my eyes to the sin I was living in.
-Lauren Eddy
I can understand why you made you decision but, I think you made the wrong one.
ReplyDeleteWho says you can't go to collage. Especially if its something that makes you happy. You are trying to better yourself. You can have a career and a family.
Women are not restricted to the home. So, what are you going to do. Just sit home and wait for some guy to marry you?
Yeah sounds like a great life.
You have fun with that.
Just know that if you pass up this opportunity, it won't come again.
Who says a young christian women can travel, be artistic, and be married?????
ReplyDeleteDon't let your parents push you in a direction. Be strong. Go to collage!
ReplyDeleteProverbs 20:24 says, "A person’s steps are directed by the LORD. How then can anyone understand their own way?"
ReplyDeleteAnd Jeremiah prayed, "LORD, I know that people’s lives are not their own; it is not for them to direct their steps." (Jeremiah 10:24)
So I recommend,
"The proverbs of Solomon son of David, king of Israel:
for gaining wisdom and instruction; for understanding words of insight;
for receiving instruction in prudent behavior, doing what is right and just and fair;
for giving prudence to those who are simple[without direction], knowledge and discretion to the young—
let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance—"
You are worth far more than rubies, and it would not be fair to you or your future family to sell yourself short.
After all, the ideal wife...
"She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her." (Proverbs 31:25-28)
Thank you for your thoughts and concerns, they are appreciated. I can tell you both love the Lord and are just caring for me. This is not a moral issue, but yet a personal conviction that I feel the Lord has laid upon my heart lately. My parents have not "pushed me" to do anything, rather they said that they will support me in what ever decision I make. I don't plan on "sitting around" waiting for a husband, what I plan to do is take workshops and classes on how to better my skills in photography while at the same time learning what it means to be a Proverbs 31 woman. I understand what I am doing is not widely accepted even amongst Christians. I feel I am living the way that God has lead me to. I am not trying to please anybody but him. In doing this I am making myself available to others by serving whether it be a young mother, widow, or in the church. I can learn all these things by being under the protection of my mother and father. I am highly encouraged by how the Lord is leading me. I do ask that you pray for me if you feel led to. We are all the body of Christ and we should be encouraging to one another. Thank you
ReplyDeleteA helpful link for those who need more understanding on where Lauren may be coming from :)
ReplyDeletehttp://www.ladiesagainstfeminism.com/biblical-womanhood/should-young-women-go-to-college-2/
Lauren, we support you in your decision and pray that God will continue to lead you. You definitely need to own this decision for yourself, but it sounds like you do.
ReplyDeleteI do find it funny when people tell you to not listen to your parents but to listen to them instead :-)
The great news is that there is freedom in Christ! I don't think going to college is wrong but I also don't think it is wrong to take a step of faith like you have decided.
Matt 6:33 "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
I send you an email telling you what I thought, but thought it may be worth partially repeating here.
ReplyDeleteI have a Bachelor's degree in theology, and I love it. However, between the student loans for that and for grad school (that I went to 1 semester of overseas), it is a bit of a financial burden for us, as a family. Do I regret going to college? No, not at all. I love my degree, I love what I learned there. But if I had to do it all over again (with considerably more wisdom and maturity than I had back then), I probably would choose not to go. God's plan is not the same for different people.
Lauren, I so admire your decision to obey what God is calling you to do right now. The maturity, wisdom, and character that your decision (as well as how graciously you explain/defend it) is exactly what many young people think they have to go to college to gain (thinking that life experience = wisdom).
PS - This is Teresa...it won't let me sign out of Mike's google without losing my comment.
Thank you for the support... I really appreciate the feedback. (:
ReplyDeleteIt's easy to immediately assume that college is the right path, especially as a senior in highschool. But, like you said Lauren, God has a different plan for each of us! And if that means not going to college for you, then yeah, you should follow that! He sees the bigger picture, and He always knows what is best! I encourage to keep on doing what you're doing...which is living to glorify and enjoy Him! :D Love ya!
ReplyDelete